Chip Off The Old Blcok
by Wicked R
Summary: after the season 3 finale. I bet everybody will come up with their own version of how to get Kimber and Christian back together.
1. Chapter 1

Title:ChipOff The Old Block  
Author: Wicked R  
Disclaimers: Ryan Murphy is the genius.  
Genre: Drama/Angst

Rating: PG.  
Summary/Set/Pairing: after the season 3 finale. I bet everybody will come up with their own version of how to get Kimber and Christian back together.

Kimber killed the engine, momentarily regarding the two women who strolled past Christian's apartment building. In local fashion, it wasn't the Miami sun that made them dress so scarcely, but the desire to impress with still young, but already carefully shaped bodies they must have acquired with daily hours long workouts at the gym. Kimber found that since she didn't have to care for her body, no lengthy times looking for the right make up and clothes at the shop, no checking in mirrors whether she looked perfect all the time, she had so much more time for herself, to work, to relax and to read, educating herself in matters that she had ignored previously. Contrary to the common belief of those who didn't really know her, she wasn't a brainless bimbo. Hell, she wasn't even a bimbo anymore, or more likely she didn't intend to be. All she had achieved and attained was by own effort, of course she had used her body as the means, it was ultimately her brain that had allowed her business to flourish.

She had been thinking for weeks about her experience, about what everybody said, the Carver, Christian, the counsellor she was offered to attend by the police after her ordeal. She didn't doubt she was suffering from post traumatic stress disorder. Mirrors were particularly difficult. Since the Carver made her look into mirrors a lot, as she has still called Quentin the Carver cause she didn't dare to think there could be another ordinary doctor out there who could do the same things to people, mirrors acted as triggers for her flashback episodes, nightmares, and frightening thoughts. Part of the same syndrome, but she thanked God for the emotional numbness that otherwise encompassed her, and her body for knowing what to do. That is what she could thank for being able to survive as well, the thing she and the Carver obsessed over for so long, her body. But she did want to put it all behind her, forget the terror if it was at all possible. So she continued to try to achieve that goal by the only means she could just now, by taking out tonnes of books from the library on the victims of abduction and torture to be able to understand more what exactly had happened to her and how she should deal with it.

Upon reading, she had repeatedly bumped into the notion that Christian had previously explained to her, telling her she was suffering from it, the Stockholm syndrome. In the books it was described as a survivor mechanism, based on the often unconscious idea that the captor will not hurt the captive if she is cooperative and even positively supportive. A former victim may seem unable to stop focusing on the same type of behaviour she had when she was held by the aggressor, unable to go on with their lives. They gradually found ways to justify their abusers' actions and belief systems. It was written down black and white that it was in some ways expected from her to behave this way, and logically she could see how that happened to her, yet still she was unable to snap out of it. She didn't want to snap out of it, because if she did, something...something dreadful will occur, something she didn't even want to think about. She also knew, was aware of and suffering from how she was lied to, betrayed, and selfishly harmed by the Carver. But all that didn't mean he was wrong.

Having gone round and round in circles about the same issue in her mind, enough to make her head spin, she concentrated on practical issues now. In a hurry of getting a job she wasn't, if she used her economies well, she didn't have to think about that for a while, but she did have to start with figuring out what to do with the rest of her life. She didn't need no prenuptial agreements no more to steer clear from her Kimber dolls or the porn business, but the revenues coming from her previous ventures still gave her some financial stability to have a good think about her next career move.

First of all, she had to find out who she was and then when she had some clues over that, she would find something that suited her personality. There were not many aspects of her old self she wanted to keep, apart from standing up for herself. Not even all the material assets she had piled up in her house suited her anymore, they were all about pampering her body and looking gorgeous in her sexy dresses. She hardly had anything to wear that went along with her current beliefs. Some of her jogging wear would still be good to use around the house, but she had left them at Christian's. No problem, she still had the keys and as long as she went during working hours and made sure his car wasn't parked outside, she didn't even need to meet him.

On entrance, female presence was evident. There was a definite smell of cooking still lingering in the background, now slightly overpowered by the pleasant fragrance of some flowery bath foam. Kimber wasn't at all surprised, in fact she was counting on it. She knew Christian has made more of a commitment with her than he ever had before and felt to a certain degree guilty about making him suffer. But first, she had to think about herself for a change and second, Christian would never stay single for very long. She aimed towards the bedroom wardrobe without much curiosity concerning the occupant of the bed, but stopped short finding herself staring at the scene.

The woman, wearing not much more than a bathrobe, was lying on the bed sheets leisurely, as if making herself home, reading some cult magazine, but looked more like Christian's maid than his anybody who he would accept as his lover at any point. Yet, her first assumptions about the identity of the person seemed to be proven by the fact that some larger size female clothes were intermingled on the floor with Christian's, "who are you?" She managed, fearing something sinister.

"You must be Kimber," sat up the other, "my name is Abby. I live here."

"As what?" asked the even more confused ex sex goddess.

"As...I don't know. Christian says I need so many surgeries it's not worth trying, and I certainly can't afford it. I'm trying to gather some more money at least with not having pay rent anywhere."

"Since when!"

"Last week."

"I don't know what you think it's going on here, but you can not seriously even contemplate the fact that Christian likes you in any way," Kimber said upset that Christian has went back to his old ways of doing pranks on poor women, cause what she saw couldn't be anything else than that. The only thing that surprised her was that her ex fiancée could actually stand to look at somebody as far from perfection in his eyes as Abby was. Even for the sake of some tasteless wind-up. What on earth was he up to this time? Whatever was going on, she needed to put at least some of the fire, so she sat down on the bed and started to explain carefully, "look, I don't wanna be nasty to you or anything, but you have to know that Christian is very likely to abuse relationships. I don't think it's his fault, there was nobody there to show him how it should be. Nevertheless, you could get caught..."

Abby gave a small laugh, "do you think I don't know that? Besides, there are always two parties involved in abusive relationships. I let him do that to me."

"Abusive...why?"

"Some people do that you know. Suffering could be an enhancement to sexual pleasure," Abby decided she had nothing to hide. The other one was seeing through them anyway, and hey, she had the tendency to set herself up to situations like this, "who decides what is characterized as pleasurable or unpleasurable?"

"But that certainly can not be healthy."

"What if it is a solution to a problem? Who's talking miss lost yourself? You to tell me what is healthy. Christian does all this for you!"

"And how would that be?"

"As much as it suits me, he told my why I am here. For you to see that he doesn't care as much about appearances as you think he does."

"So this is a show for me? Well, thanks for telling, but I would've never believed it anyway," Kimber stood up and started packing her stuff, "still, you shouldn't let him exploit you. He might have some more surprises for you that you might not like."

"He might. But not for you. Love involves respect, trust, and consideration for the other person. He has all that for you."

"How can you put him in a good light? Didn't you just say he makes you suffer?"

"I just know him, because we are very much alike. Masochism and sadism are the faces of the same coin. Did you know that abusers act out of deep seated shame and feelings of inadequacy? They seek to pull people down to make themselves feel better. Survivors who were sexually assaulted numerous times, especially as children, may have become addicted to sex and may do activities that are sexually inappropriate or even sexually abusive."

"What are you talking about? He has not been..."

"How do you know? Does he talk about his childhood to anyone?" Abby intercepted.

"And I suppose he told you, ha."

"He doesn't talk about it, but I know we are more similar than one could imagine."

"That is a mere assumption."

"Maybe. But how did he get the way he is? He needs to feel superior, especially sexually. What about the nightmares? The not sleeping if didn't have his needs fulfilled? The compulsive sexual activity and dysfunction, social alienation? Inability to sustain intimacy in relationships, overachievement and hyperconsciousness of body and appearance? Think about it Kimber."

"And what if? What does that change?"

"I'm pretty much an outsider. I can see what is going on. With you, he was on the way of becoming a normal person. Me, I reinforce his old behaviour."

"And why are you telling me this instead of stopping it yourself?"

"I can't stop. It's compulsive with me too."

"And I can't help just now," Kimber left with the items she came for, "certainly not now."

tbc


	2. Julia

Chapter 2: Julia

Once again, Kimber was busy. When she went to settle some financial matters with the producers of her previous porn movies, she got a pleasant surprise. As her directorial work impressed them, the way she was lately involved in her latest picture, they offered her to direct some other low budget productions, this time far from the porn nature. Likely to interest less people and generate a lot less money, she jumped right into it. Keeping active and being creative helped her forming a new identity and also gave her a sense of achievement and satisfaction. Additionally, contrary to the reasons she exercised previously, she enrolled into a martial arts course to help build her confidence back up.

She did think of Christian and what Abby had said. It would have certainly explained Christian's weird behaviour after his Carver attack. If his experience was in any way similar to hers, they could help each other. But then again, how could it have been? The Carver obsessed over her as he didn't with any other. Consequently, her own protective and self isolated behaviour wasn't selfish. She needed to look after herself to be any good to anyone else, especially if was about such a complicated and messed up character as Christian. If she ever will. She needed to learn to look after herself and be kind to herself first and foremost. She deserved it and that had nothing to do with her body and its closeness to perfection.

Evenings were difficult though. She was used to either work, or go out when the natural light went out, and not doing anything when it was dark somehow made her nervous. She tried to read, but found it hard to focus. She sighed when there was a knock at her door. Although she didn't know who could visit her, and there was always some fear in her after the attack, she was hoping the visitor will offer her some relief of her anxiety whoever it was.

"You still love him?" Julia burst in without much to and fro.

"I always have Julia, since the day I met him. But sometimes that is not enough."

"Not enough? Why? What else do you need? It can always come back to being okay if two people love each other, no matter how much they suffer in the meantime. Kimber, don't do to him what I did for a lifetime. And he had enough of that treatment for a lifetime as well. I loved him, but didn't take the chance because it wasn't perfect. I already had a not perfect relationship with Sean, it wasn't worth jumping into another one. What is your excuse?"

"He's looking for someone else, not me. He is looking for perfection, not me. You know what? There is no such thing as a perfect body and I doubt that anyone is completely happy with theirs. It all depends on how obsessed you get."

"Yeah, and he has sunken into deep depression since you made your last move because he doesn't care about you only if you are perfect, right. He is not interested in anything, not pleased by anything, he has difficulty concentrating during surgery, remembering, making decisions, he oversleeps, he is irritable, should I go on? And the story with Abby is just down right ridiculous. We're trying to keep him from sliding lower, even Matt, but now he doesn't show up at work again all that often. He tells us different reasons as to why, headaches, stomach aches, tiredness and dizziness, and we don't actually know if he makes those up to cover up his lack of motivation and moodiness or they could be symptoms associated with his depression."

"You trying to make me feel guilty for his troubles? He should feel guilty for not trying to find me when I was abducted."

"Kimber it was so flawlessly staged. We all thought..."

"It doesn't matter. I can't go back to Christian because it would get me back to where I was. Infatuation with beauty. Just because you people find it a terrific way of pumping money out of poor media influenced victims obsessed with themselves, with image and vanity, it doesn't make it a right ideology to follow."

"Cultures throughout history have been infatuated with beauty, to a certain degree it is ok. A woman's body is a very strong weapon in the world, no wonder that women do everything to make it perfect. Don't tell me you don't agree with that anymore."

"Guess what, I'm happy with the way I look. And guess what? Christian is just not fair. How does he have the right even to be depressed, when I should be when it is me who has suffered. No, Julia, I'm the one who requires given what she needs, not him. And I need space."

tbc


	3. On Backtrack

Chapter 3: On Backtrack

Christian sat in his dark office, with the blinds drawn, feeling stumped and abandoned. He didn't even put on the table lamp when the small amount of daylight that got through disappeared due to the hours of the night. It wasn't a new feeling, the way he felt just now. Usually, when he had reached this point, he realised there was nobody to count on and he had stand up all by himself. This time though, as dejection swooped down over him again, it was dampening his energy. What has he done wrong? He had done everything right with Kimber, at least since he had realised he couldn't live without her. He couldn't lose her. Perhaps he was pushing her too hard. Expecting too much too soon after her ordeal. He himself needed time after his attack, and Kimber will need more. Maybe the only way to have her back was to open up himself, tell her all the horrible things that happened to him in life.

Whatever it was, he wanted to work it out. But he couldn't reach her. In fact, he couldn't reach anybody in his entire life. And what should he do with Abby? What happened, it's water under the bridge now, he can't change it, but doesn't that make him an equal with Quentin? He couldn't deny they had a lot in common. An unhappy childhood, rejected by family, getting successful by own effort, obsessed with power and control, sexually frustrated. Maybe Kimber is right not to want to be with him. Maybe he reminds her of Quentin? He was terrified of the thought and disappointed with life. Will his never turn to be happy for any longer than just a few weeks? Most disturbing it was that he didn't know what to do now, how to approach Kimber. He couldn't stand living without love for much longer.

Maybe he should just give up. He closed his eyes and arrived into a state of thoughtless, cloudy reverie. Keeping himself together for the outside world was enough during the day, he didn't have to do it when he was alone. It was in this nothingness that his mind retreated to when nothing hurt. It was the same state of mind he used to do so well when he was a little boy, he was only out of practice these days. And funnily, that wasn't always a good thing. It was that state of nothingness he used to retreat to while when his foster father had asked him every Friday evening to his office room in the large house he spent fifteen years of his life. All the kids at school were so happy when the weekend came, for him it meant Mr. Troy and sometimes his friend having their way while his foster mother was out working. She was working most nights, it didn't have to be Friday for that reason, but it was Friday because it had to be. Christian was physically sick sometimes the next day and Mr. Troy couldn't chance the school putting their nose into where it didn't belong.

The old feeling of disgust settled in him instead of the calm he was hoping for and didn't even notice her coming in till she switched on the light. Thank God for her perfume. Some things never change.

Kimber came to his side of the desk, leaned on it and placed a hand on his, looking at him carefully.

He concentrated on the physical feeling of her touch, cherishing something almost forgotten, putting the even distant and unpleasant memories where they belonged.

However, Kimber had already caught sight of the anguish in his eyes, the paleness in his face as he attempted to return to normal. A gesture that reminded her...of her own behaviour when thinking of her abductee days. Maybe there was something there right enough that she didn't know of, and the concern over him overtook her, not leaving room for the sorrow she endured on a regular basis, "Christian...what are you doing in this darkness? You look so exhausted."

"Ah...I couldn't sleep last night."

"So you do it at the surgery? There are beds her you know if you are that desperate."

"Desperate, huh?" Christian sniggered with a sourness that would have caught anybody's ear, "yeah, I suck, my life sucks, my idealistic expectations proven wrong. Nothing too severe."

"I know I did hurt you Christian, I can't deny that. I came to tell you that I am sorry for that. But there is no other way for me right now."

"But I don't want you to be perfect Kimber. I want you the way you are."

"Even if so, I can't have children. There is too much damage."

"I don't care."

"Maybe not now. Look, I can't set myself up for another disappointment. And you haven't changed. The things I hear you have done recently..."

"That was out of desperation. Don't you see? You have to show me how it's done."

Kimber looked at him baffled. He didn't really fight with her, he had simply admitted defeat. He didn't even treat her bad for it. Was this a sign of how weak he was? "I can trust you if you are a puzzle to me," she said finally, "tell me if it's true."

"If it's what true?"

"About the sexual assault. When you were a kid. And what did the Carver do to you exactly?"

"Where did you get all that from?"

"Abby."

"Abby?"

"She thinks she knows."

He paused to think, looking away. He had told Sean. Kimber deserved the same treatment, if not more, "yes, it's true, both are true," he admitted, finally turning to her with sad eyes.

Looking into them, and her previous hostility vanished at once, "I'm sorry," she sighed, folding herself into his welcoming embrace. Whatever she went through, was forgotten for the time being, her motherly instinct kicking in. She comforted him the only way she knew when she could feel him trembling slightly against her, giving him the bodily comfort he needed.

She knew there was nothing she could say that would make it all go away. She knew because there was nothing anybody could say to make it all better for her.

"I love you," he whispered nevertheless.

Suddenly, in that soft embrace she felt safer than ever since her abduction and she realised she was the one looking for perfection, not Christian. She was looking for a perfect relationship that could never exist. She should not cease after it forever. What they could have, the best that could happen just had to do.

tbc


	4. Epilogue

Chapter 4: Epilogue

Christian arrived home to find Kimber and Abby both sitting on the floor, playing peek-a-boo with the baby who giggled in delight.

Adriana, the eight month old already attempting to walk, the bastard of a bastard as he thought of his shameful act of how he has impregnated Abby couldn't care less about her origins. She concentrated on her mommy, talking softly to her, while Kimber was running her fingers through the baby's hair. With so many loving parents, she will never have to repeat what he had to go through to reach adulthood.

"Soon, she can wear hair clips," Kimber observed and both women seemed pretty delighted of the fact. It wasn't an unusual sight. Kimber and Abby became best friends over the last year and worked through their issues with body image together. Christian hardly understood what they were on about, but it didn't matter.

What mattered was that he had a supporting wife, who, let's face it, wasn't ugly and who accepted him as he was, well, adjusting the waste of his soul here and there. What mattered was that he could have his cake and eat it too and see his daughter several times a week.

No, it wasn't perfect. He still had those nightmares occasionally and Kimber will never be perfectly happy not having her own child, but these women gave him more than he deserved. A lot more.

Watching them, he felt for a moment that the past had just been a bad dream, "you are all...so beautiful..." He said out loud what he was thinking.

They knew what he was talking about. Inner beauty, and that was what he  
loved the most.

The End.


End file.
